December 7th, 2007
Dear Diary,
Dear diary,
Today isn’t such a bad day, no it isn’t bad at all. Yesterday was perfectly alright, and the day before yesterday seemed fine too. I don’t know what’s wrong and maybe nothing is wrong at all. Then, why do I keep feeling like something is? Why does that feeling of something is seriously wrong keep tugging at me, keep pulling me away from everything, keep asking me to listen to it? I am now, so tell me what’s wrong?
The whole world is listening now, so tell them what’s wrong.
But it couldn’t. It kept its mouth shut, its hands tied, its words all jumbled in a labyrinth. It is telling me to tell everyone that some things are not just as apparent as they seem. It wants me to tell you that maybe not every problem has a solution and it wants me to tell the whole wide world to just please leave it alone.
But no, I don’t want to leave it alone, diary. It’s killing me inside inch by inch just thinking about it. I know there is a perfect term for it but I just couldn’t seem to pinpoint what exactly. Could it be depression? But why? I am almost perfect if not for my lack of height and size of mammary. I am the luckiest girl I know and I think I have everything I could have ever dreamed of. So why depression?
Maybe it’s not even depression I’m looking for. Maybe it’s something more complicated that scientists and wise men have yet to discover. Maybe it’s nothing at all.
The snow is falling again. The urge is calling again. I want to release myself from this web of intricacies so so bad, diary. One leap is all it takes to be freed from this wheel of life. One small step and the tiniest energy one could muster.
And that’s all it takes to be free again.
But no, wait, what about the hundreds of people who know me? What will they think of an act so selfish and thoughtless? Will they still think of me as the girl they once knew, or will they cringe in shame for this girl lying flat on the pavement? All tangled in her own limbs, not breathing, blood seeping from her wounds into the snow, into the cracks of the floor, dried up forever.But you know, diary, I think lying there like that is not as pathetic or gruesome as people might think it is. Come to think of it, it is really peaceful and serene. Amidst all that whiteness, amidst all that screams of horror, and then there’s me. Me lying face up staring at everyone in the world. Me being enveloped by the snow. It’s my element, do you know that?
Tick tock. I don’t have time to waste anymore.
Goodbye diary. The world is all white and pure now. Let me leave before it turns ugly again.
–
highly fictional.
December 7th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
WTF
December 7th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
yea seriously WTF WTF
December 7th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
are you ok?
December 7th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
I know it’s fictional but I just want to give you a big, big hug. Take care.
December 8th, 2007 at 12:19 am
human existence is complicated
December 8th, 2007 at 1:10 am
=.=??
December 8th, 2007 at 2:11 am
you alright there?
*hugs* even tho you might not want it =]
December 8th, 2007 at 4:42 am
WTF ‘highly fictional’???? It better be a typo… and it better be PURELY fictional
Don’t make me fly over to the States
December 8th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Etto, are you alright?
*hugs hugs*!!
December 8th, 2007 at 8:45 am
Actually, what you wrote in the beginning kinda describes how i feel but not so much on the suicide part. It is a curious thing to do (suicide), though foolish of course. And eh… do take care ya. =)
December 8th, 2007 at 9:26 am
maybe ur having the winter blues. i get easily depressed for no apparent reason every time winter is here *hugs*
December 8th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
u NEED a new boyfriend.
December 8th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
WTF @ jimmy’s comment
eh damn nice this post. a bit morbid but very well-written!
(are you okay? *concerned* hope its not spurned out of some kinda subconscious thing!)
December 8th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
jimmy: you need a new name, jimmy is a shitty name for a vagina.
December 8th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
aud, =(
angie, =((
eff, i am! it’s fictional don’t worry.
jean, thanks a hug is always good!
plankton, yeah i wish it’s simpler.
eugene, =((
meilin, why would i not want a hug? thanks.
jam, omg if i know this will make u fly here, i would have written it sooner!!
jac, who’s etto? wtf
steph, i wrote it cause i feel people can relate to what i feel then, suicidal or not.
lin, maybe =( and it gets dark so fast i hate it =(
jimmy, why?
liz, nah i’m fine thanks! learn from you one la everytime so emo and sad =(
baz, there there love is blind wtf
December 8th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
cheer up *HuGz*
December 8th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
hey,been reading ur blog and u have goood stuff.
so anyway,came across ur creationism/evolution opinion and made me think about it so i blogged on it. hope u dont mind =)
December 8th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
LOL. actually i don’t know what etto means, it’s like “er” in japanese? watched too much animes these days edi ><
December 9th, 2007 at 9:45 am
hey! whats wrong with you? are you ok?
hahaha… very protective BF!! hahaha…
anyway, here is the other contact in SFO. her name is Febry and the number is 415-398 9333.
good luck.
December 9th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
that’s not being protective of my girlfriend, it’s responding to an insult indirectly aimed at me, and i don’t take kindly to those
December 9th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
mei, *forced smile wtf. no lah i’m not thaat depressed.
kei, i read it =)
jac, oh isit! haha i thought u thought my name is etto wtf
crash, im fine, and thanks i’ll get hold of her!
baz, do u feel like taking a leap too wtf
December 10th, 2007 at 7:04 am
WTF - are you okay?
Sometimes blogging it out helps, but beyond that, more concrete measures need to be taken.
Hope you’re alright and this is just a way of purging those negative emotions.
*Hugs*
December 10th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Hi there. Stumbled upon your blog from one of the blogs that I was reading.
Nice blog you have here. =)
Anyway, I hope this entry is really fictional, it’s not worth it to just end your life like that, you have so much more to enjoy. =)
By the way, where are you now? I saw snow and all, but can’t figure out where. =)
December 10th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
michelle, don’t worry im fineee. thanks for the virtual hug =)
lovie, haha yeah it’s completely fictional. i’m in massachusetts, usa. =)
October 15th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
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November 9th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
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